The Rise and Fall of Christinez0rz

Don't worry, this isn't another emo post. Those posts pretty much suck. Anyways, I've decided that if I want to make any sort of progress with...anything...I need to figure out what my strengths and weaknesses are. I want to know more about myself. If you would like to point some things out to me, you can leave a comment telling me what you like/dislike about me. It would actually kind of be appreciated! (EW!! SHEREEN JUST LICKED ME! Anyways...) So here goes...

Strengths:

1. Empathy/sympathy/compassion
2. Good listener
3. Caring
4. Nurturing
5. Adaptable
6. Tolerant
7. Silly
8. Thoughtful
9. Altruistic
10. Loving

Weaknesses:

1. Hyper-emotional
2. Obsessive
3. Does not trust
4. Push-over
5. Passive-aggressive
6. Holds grudges
7. Procrastinates
8. Irrational
9. Cares too much/invests way too deep
10. Spiteful (sometimes)

That's all for now. I really suck at coming up with lists, as it turns out. In other news, the Moldy Peaches are satanist! Who woulda thought!

WARNING: narcissim ahead!

I'm warning you now -- the following post is stock full of narcissism and the works.

I'm an amazing person. I really think I'm awesome for the crap I've put up with, the crap I make myself go through, all the shit I take from my parents...yet, I still come to school all happy and bubbly -- my main concern being to make everyone happy. Who the hell is that awesome?

I sometimes wonder if there's anyone out there like me? I'm not saying I'm perfect. God, no. But...I love that I'm my own unique person. I love looking back and stuff that's happened and seeing how wonderfully I handled it. A normal person would have gone insane. From what my friends tell me, most people can't deal with the stuff I went through and come out the other end sane. I must be crazy. =P

I love how I treat people well (except on RARE occasion, and it's usually and accident), no matter who they are. I love being able to be nice to complete and total pricks. I love being able to look back at all the people who treat my shitty and think, "Wow -- I am so much better than them."

At the end of this post, I want to be able to say it outright: I love myself. But I can't. That's not meant to be a depressing comment. It's just true. I do think, however, that I am one hell of an amazing person.

Mystery Person

Anyone's who has met me knows that, in person, I'm usually happy, bubbly, etc. But as of late, I haven't felt connected to anyone. Social interaction has been painful. This really kills me, because I absolutely love my friends. I don't know how to react to anyone's presence.

I don't know how to act anymore. I just....bleh. Oh well. I'll just keep trucking (haha, I love saying that). Life is a bitch. Seriously. If life were a person, she'd be a bi-polar, slutty, drug-using, angsty, tease. I'd probably hate Life is she was ever a person.

She picks on me. And she'd probably punch me in the face if she had hands. Maybe it's not life. Maybe it's me. I don't appreciate the person I've become.

I don't know what to say. This is a scattered post. I apologize. I want a hug.

Trip

Dreams are and something walruses
Gleams and flickers of consciousness
Moons a-rising to tickle birdies goodbye
Watch me wander and point to the sky.

People are lowing
No, animals are slowing
Water is glowing
Still, candles are flowing
Now, lead us to reality.

Eden kisses internal shows
Flight is showing what really glows
Fleeing under crowded tunnels
Eat your greens with broken shovels.

That's it.


This poem came to me during English. I was sitting there listening to Jarmer read Huckleberry Finn, when I hear music coming from the neighboring room. There are lyrics to the song, and what I hear is, "Dreams are and something walruses." Now, I'm almost certain those were not the words, but they inspired this poem. Don't ask me what it's about, or what the point of it is, because I have no clue. I like it, though.

Chilling with my boy.

I really really like spending time with Ian. A LOT. We just...feed off of each other. I mean, I just grow more and more happy when he's around. He's like the opposite of a dementor!! I really love it. I guess you could call it chemistry.

Whether we're with my friends, his friends (yes, even his friends, ha. What? They're funny!!), or alone with each other, I can't help but be happy. And it's my mission to keep him happy while I'm around. Not that I expect him to automatically be happy with me, but if he's in a bad mood then all I want or care about is for him to be happy.

I just can't get enough of him. Of course, I don't wanna have Tim and Elaine kind of time with him. They're just insane (though I love them both dearly! <3)!! I just want to HANG OUT with him more often. Not just at school. Like, on weekends and stuff. I wanna spend time with my boyfriend! It's fun! I don't care where we are, what time it is or who we're with! It's fine! I mean, I suppose spending time with Voldemort in Mordor at 1 am wouldn't be pleasant. But... love being with him.

So, Ian, if you're reading this, call me up and we should hang out! Really! And in case you forgot my number:

Home - 509-786-8715
Cell - 971-344-6813

I love you! Call me!!!!!!!! <3