Following previous post....

I'm just going to make new friends during college (you know, with my dorm mates... woo multi-cultural hall!) and forget (kinda) about my current "friends." Wooooo...

Wait, except for Jack, Ian, and a few others.

:(

I feel out of sync with my 'group of friends.' I feel like I'm there as a back-up friend. Oh well...

I'll make new friends in college, I guess... =/
















































*cries*

I wish my life were more like this. I want more friends.

DREAM:
-So, the drama department and random people from my psychology class to a field trip to Mr. Flemming's (my psych teacher) house. He had two daughters and they were super cute and had curly hair. People kept saying inappropriate things, though, and my psych teacher was like, 'Stop!!!!' There was a really long table in his house (the walls were blue) and on it were TOOONS of desserts. There was chocolates, eclairs, doughnuts, creams, fondue, tons and tons of stuff. But it all had gluten, but I kept eating it anyway.

At one point, my psych teacher had to go to deal with his daughters, and some other random teacher from school was there instead. I don't even know his name. This guy went into some deep philosophical questions about life and death, purpose of life, stealing and stuff. Me and a few other people were trying to discuss, but I think Cory Earls and Tim Bender kept running around, make lots of noise and being silly. lol

After a while, we boarded the bus and went to Sally's beauty supply to look at colorful gels. Then we were at the mall on some kind of assignment. I finished, so I called Ian and waited for him for like half an hour. I finally went out and saw him with Jack. So I ran over and was like, 'Dude! Where were you!!!!' He said he'd been there for 10 minutes only. I didn't really care, and his hair was frizzy.

We all took a bus back to this very large auditorium. Don was there. >_< I was in a two-person play, and instead of Quinn, MS. STONE WAS OUR DIRECTOR. SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I THINK SHE YELLED AT US AND LEFT. AAAAAH NOOOOOOO. So I was stuck with my shitty partner, I think it was Laura...
We preformed it and it sucked. Lots of alumni were there. Duncan came up to me and said, "Hey, if Laura was you, that would have been great." He kept having to repeat himself, and then I think he ran away after that.

So now we were all in a big circle on stage. Five girls, including me, had wedding dresses on. I think Hannah G, and Rachel G. were two others that had them. I can't remember the others. The objective was that a girl would walk out, and 1 of 5 assigned guys would run out and grab her. So all the girls did it, and I think Barret Zetterberg married someone, some other guy, Duncan married someone (I think it was Shereen, lol) and then me and another girl were left.

So I was left with Rachel Geiter. I walked out and waited, and I don't think anyone wanted me. I was VERRRRRY scared because I did not want Don to get me. I think I was almost crying. Finally, D-Fuen (haha) came out and tackled me and we slid behind the curtain. He said, "I was scared people would judge me if I grabbed you. You're so beautiful I think we all wanted you..." I'm almost certain Ian said something like that yesterday night. :lol:

Unfortunately, that meant Rachel was left with Don. When he came out to get her, we all treated him like a monster. We all tackled him and dragged him away while beating him up and I think the boys would kill him. Anyway, it made me reaaally happy.-

But that would actually be sad, even if I do hate him.

I know, this was really long. Sorry. It was really cool...

Obama.

He won. Life is good.

America has taken another great step, and I have renewed hope.

Yay!

Peace.

Bollywood

I think I'm in love. I think it's funny how people expect me to have watched every Bollywood movie ever, but the truth is, I've only seen about 10...

Either way, Bollywood is pretty much the most amazing movie industry EVER. I mean, just look at the following links to find the amazingness of Bollywood - just on the surface AT LEAST LOOK AT THE PICS!:

Videos:
Bole Chudiyan - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqydJ3L1k4Y
Mitwa (YAY!) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbbB1ANG-zQ
Say Shava Shava - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiB_twmh_Ek

Pictures:
Aishwarya Rai OR Aishwarya Rai
Shahrukh Khan
Bipasha Basu
Hrithik Roshan

Ok...that's all for now.

Hypersexuality

I'm getting sick and tired of the media. I don't think I would have such a problem with it, if both genders were equally objectified. God. Call me a feminist, whatever. I don't like hypersexuality. I don't like wet-t-shirt contests, especially on a stage. I don't like seeing a person as a shiny toy, seeing them as a tool. I hate that. I hate it. I'm not talking about porn. I'm talking about Wild and Crazy Spring Break, or Girls Gone Wild, sexy car washes, what have you. I don't like it!

Why! Why why why. Yes, sure, it's entertaining. Perhaps you get your panties wet, or you're suddenly hard. For maybe a brief moment, and then it's gone. But do you really see what you are looking at? You're seeing a PERSON. That's all I can think about... that's a girl up there, just like me, and all she is is a toy...
Sex is like marajuana or alcohol. Good in small amounts, but overdo it, and it just seems like too much. I am not criticizing you if you're into that, because people should be able to do what makes them happy... I just don't like it. Icky.

I find this post ironic...

Considering my last post.

I do not feel good. I feel sick. I feel sad. I don't wanna do anything. I have no motivation. Nothing seems worth living for. I want to isolate myself. I want to be mean and hurt myself. I don't like me, I don't like you. I don't like anything. I feel worthless. I don't feel good enough for you. I am not important to anyone, and if I am then they're lousy at showing it. Everything that could possibly make me happy will make me sad, because nothing lasts. I'm less important then everyone. I'm at the bottom. You don't care about me. No one is there. I'm by myself. If I don't stop this right now I'll stop being there. I don't know what that last statement meant, but it's true. I need a rope to stop myself from screwing up. I wish I had died at age 15. It's gone. Smoke is here.

Happy!

I'm happy with Ian right now. Yay. He's talking about how kids are tried as adults, but aren't given adult privileges. Wa wa. He's cute. Yay! And now he said, "A cookie!...hmm, I don't like being dictated! Haha I said dick! Hey Christine, I don't like being dictated do you like being vaginatated??" Hehehe.

I love you! LOOK AT THE SCREEN!!!!! There.

Porn

I hate porn. I can't look at it anymore. It makes me totally sick.
Firstly, I can't get off to it anymore. Okay, naked people having sex, big whoop. It's kind of stupid and boring and I honestly don't understand how I ever found it hot. Secondly, why would I look at it, if my imagination can run wild with Ian? Looking at porn is essentially like saying that my mind's endless options are not enough. Thirdly, it objectifies people. It turns real human beings and turns them into tools to help along an orgasm. If I don't objectify them (which I always do), then I'm recognizing that they're a real person, which is pretty much cheating in my book.

It's the same with fantasizing with people other than Ian. Why on earth would I fantasize about *insert mega hot person* if I have Ian? It just doesn't make sense anymore. I don't think it ever did. I was just stupider. Actually, no. I have never fantasized about other people, and that is NOT a lie.
Don't get me wrong. I don't think porn is bad. I don't think masturbation is bad. I just don't like looking at it while I'm in a relationship. It feels like I'm saying, "Yeah, Ian. You're totally sexy. But...thinking of you is not enough, so I'm going to go look at Candi* online..." I'm not sure if I make sense. Whatever.


*Random porn name

The year is closing...

Holy shit. It's like the end of the roller coaster you decided to go on, even though it looked way too scary, but you did it anyway...? But after you're done, it feels like you've conquered something?

Yeah.

That's how I feel. Fuck you, junior year. I beat you. Hmf!!!


Summer, here I come. =)


/relief

Satan's Dulia

You.
Feel the ocean on my lips,
Disturb the trouble in my grips.
Under the big wet sky...

We.
Never felt the world move on,
Kissed away the incubus.
In the corner of my eye...

There.
See the hole we never dug,
The dust we bothered not to rub.
Until the water was dry..

Fucking Retarded....

So today, during stagecraft, Jesse and Kylee were making fun of Lisette and I for trying to put away a 12 foot ladder on our own. No big deal, I'm used being treated like I'm incompetent in that class. Hearing, "Ooh, they look so stupid! Ha you guys are retards! It's like watching monkeys!" wasn't too bad.

Only when Jesse said, "Especially Christine! Looks so much like a monkey with that dark skin and curly hair! Ha, calling her a monkey is pretty accurate!"

I don't mind if you make fun of things I do that I can help (intelligence, clothes, etc)...but my color?! That's low. I CAN'T HELP MY SKIN COLOR SHUT THE FUCK UP. Bitch.

May 10th.

I WAS BORN TODAY SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO! Happy Birthday to me! ^_^

Ha, I'm so self-absorbed. Ah well. Only once a year. <3

God damn it

Hormones suck. Especially when you know why they're there, but can't do anything to help it. Haha...anyways, the US AP exam is on friday, and I'm sure I'm going to flunk it. Fuck.

Man, I can't wait for my birthday/prom...on the same day, yo!

Passover, bitches!

Okay, this is less about Passover and more about how amazing Ian's family is...or how Saturday went...or something along those lines. Hm.

So, I arrived, and froze up, because EVERYONE was staring at me! AAH! Anyway, I kept my cool, and was introduced to good ol' grand pappy and grand mommy (dad's side). They are pretty much the cutest old people EVER ALMOST. They're really nice, and put forward things worth hearing...if that makes much sense. I dunno. I like them.

AND OH MY GOD IAN'S DAD IS SO CUTE! EEEEE!!!!! He's just this bumbling, mellow, super chill dude who's easy to get along with. And when he reads stuff, he reminds me of those people on OBP or whatever that teach you math or proper English or whatever.

Ian's mom is awesome. Ian was right. They DID skip over the important part to get to the food. WHICH WAS AMAZING. Oh my GOD, that apple stuff was so yummy! And that beef stuff and those potatoes! Ian's other grandma is an amazing cook! Yay!

I don't know why I'm writing this. I just feel like life is chilling out, for once. Problems are just seeming to disappear. I don't want to rely on this notion, but I'm not going to pass up enjoying life. I guess the evening just reminded me how happy I've become recently.

School is going to be DONE is two months (OMG YAY OMG YAY OH MY GOD YAY!), Ian and I are doing really well, Julia was cool, and...I don't know. Everything just seems great. I'm enjoying it while it's here. Granted I won't get enough sleep sooner or later, and when stress comes my way I'm going to fall into a pit of "AAAAH!" but of course I'll get out of that. As usual.

Sorry. This is super scattered and random. I love you, everyone! ^_^

Off Limits

There is a moment at night,
when my curiosities
Take me to forbidden land.

There is a blink of daytime,
When all I want
Is all I can't have.

There is a room of answers,
In which all I wonder,
Is behind a locked door.

For some reason, I like this poem. Odd. I usually despise my poetry.

DANG IT.

Ian's pissed at me. I should have known that things are different in theory than in practice. He said he wouldn't care...but I guess he did. And now I don't feel very good. =(

Spin the Bottle

I think this game is just an excuse to kiss hotties (for the most part). It's fun. Woooo! That is all. <3

Not to be all Catholic or anything....

Okay, let me make clear that this is NOT an attempt to convert anyone or anything along those lines. I'm just pointing out how POETIC certain prayers are! Especially ones devoted to Mother Mary! SERIOUSLY. It's so....graceful, and delicate, and elegant, and just plain gorgeous! Okay...here's like, my favorite prayer of all freaking time:

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy!
Our life, our sweetness, and our hope!
To thee do we cry, poor banished
children of Eve, to thee do we send
up our sighs, mourning and weeping
in this valley, of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious advocate,
thine eyes of mercy toward us; and
after this our exile show unto us the
blessed fruit of thy womb Jesus;
O clement, O loving, O sweet virgin Mary.

Pray for us, O holy Mother of God

That we may be made worthy of the
promises of Christ.

SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HECK. Why is it so pretty?! SO yeah...lol....I like being Catholic a whole helluva lot sometimes.

Yummm

Chocolate chip cookies are my faaaaaaaaaaave.

Disorders

I just thought this seemed interesting. I'm not sure how accurate it is, or how approved it is by professionals. Hm...either way, it seemed pretty accurate. And it was fun, lol.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Rehearsal

Oh my Gosh, it is so much fun! Well, it has potential to be fun if I weren't such an anal little Indian lol. I'm having fun, save for the fact that I want EVERY SINGLE THING I do to be perfect; often times, that takes away from what I can do....but as a whole, rehearsal is still a joy.

The only thing is when I'm ultra-tired and then realize, "Oh...I'm here till 5!" Oh well! At least it's at the Hobbit! YAY!

Sorry. Random post lol.

>_> <_< >_>

RANDOM POST IS RANDOM.

I...

...AM NOT A GOD DAMN MEXICAN.


OH, and it's Ron Blilus Weasley's birthday! He turns 28 today!

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Roooon!
Happy Birthday to you!!!!!

HARRY POTTER ROCKS. And so does Ron. lol

Fuck you!

GOD! I'm sick of ignorant people! I'm sick of people telling me that my country (India, in this case lmfao) is a pointless ruin of a country that no one cares about and gives nothing to the world!

Excuse me! WHO THE FUCK FIXED YOUR COMPUTER!

No, but seriously! Have you even SEEN the Taj Mahal?? Do you know what that is, you cracker? No? HERE. Can you get THAT in your precious Oregon!? Do you know how much effort and PASSION went into that?! That's a monument of love.

We are NOT savages! YES. THERE IS A SEWAGE SYSTEM. AND IT IS NOT JUST A DITCH IN THE GROUND. I've been to multiple parts, and trust me. We do have your precious Western toilets and showers. We do have cars and streets and ON TOP OF THAT, we have monkeys, and tigers, and peacocks and ELEPHANTS. WILD. Drive for a few hours and you can see them! Drive for a few hours here and you know what you get here? COWS.

Okay okay, I'm being stupid. Oregon, and other parts of America are beautiful. Honestly, though! Open your eyes and appreciate what my country has to give.

Architecture isn't it though! Oh no! MUSIC.

Have you ever listened to classical Indian music? It's some of the beautiful stuff I've ever heard. Yes, I realize that's completely subjective; but listen to this wonderul chant. Has anything like that ever been written in America?! Oh wait. That's unfair. Indian music is so complicated you can't write it down. It's literally impossible.
Not into classical stuff? Have you ever heard of BOLLYWOOD?! Yes, it exists! The magical land that produces wonderful stuff like this or this every year! Thousands of songs like that! Amazing. Yes, the dancing is silly, but if you knew what they were singing about, you'd understand. Ha.

Oh, no no no...I am not done yet. Finally. FOOD. Fish, beef, chicken, pork --insert protein-- curry! But that's not all! There's biryani, sambaar, rasaam, dosa, trust me I could go on forever. Seriously! Just look at it. How on earth is your mouth not watering, dude?!

Come ON! Pointless, useless, scar of the world? I think not. India is amazing. Fuck you. I'm going to go eat some curry.

Yes, this was directed at one person. But it shall be applied to every other idiot who tells me India is stupid. Ciao!

Frustrated

Don't you hate it when there's something you really want, but you know you shouldn't have?

It's like that last piece of candy, or that second piece of pie. It's like that extra dollop of whip cream atop your pumpkin pie. Why am I thinking of sweet food...hm. I've really been having this dilemma. It's not really a choice between right and wrong, it's just between my two selfs. There's the young Christine, who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. Then there's rational Christine, who knows how to do things, when it's appropriate and who is concerned.

What's MORE frustrating is when there's something you want and know you should have....you just never get around to having it. Blah! You know? When you plan something, and you tell yourself you'll let it happen and then it never does. Things come up or get in the way. Even at the very last minute. The VERY last. ERRGH.

Ah well. It's not big deal. ^_^

As you come.

We all need to learn to take life as it comes. Just breathe it in. Swallow the good, the bad. It's there. Might as well deal with it. Sigh....I don't know how to say this. Goodnight. Kind of. =)

Death

It sucks. ='(

The Rise and Fall of Christinez0rz

Don't worry, this isn't another emo post. Those posts pretty much suck. Anyways, I've decided that if I want to make any sort of progress with...anything...I need to figure out what my strengths and weaknesses are. I want to know more about myself. If you would like to point some things out to me, you can leave a comment telling me what you like/dislike about me. It would actually kind of be appreciated! (EW!! SHEREEN JUST LICKED ME! Anyways...) So here goes...

Strengths:

1. Empathy/sympathy/compassion
2. Good listener
3. Caring
4. Nurturing
5. Adaptable
6. Tolerant
7. Silly
8. Thoughtful
9. Altruistic
10. Loving

Weaknesses:

1. Hyper-emotional
2. Obsessive
3. Does not trust
4. Push-over
5. Passive-aggressive
6. Holds grudges
7. Procrastinates
8. Irrational
9. Cares too much/invests way too deep
10. Spiteful (sometimes)

That's all for now. I really suck at coming up with lists, as it turns out. In other news, the Moldy Peaches are satanist! Who woulda thought!

WARNING: narcissim ahead!

I'm warning you now -- the following post is stock full of narcissism and the works.

I'm an amazing person. I really think I'm awesome for the crap I've put up with, the crap I make myself go through, all the shit I take from my parents...yet, I still come to school all happy and bubbly -- my main concern being to make everyone happy. Who the hell is that awesome?

I sometimes wonder if there's anyone out there like me? I'm not saying I'm perfect. God, no. But...I love that I'm my own unique person. I love looking back and stuff that's happened and seeing how wonderfully I handled it. A normal person would have gone insane. From what my friends tell me, most people can't deal with the stuff I went through and come out the other end sane. I must be crazy. =P

I love how I treat people well (except on RARE occasion, and it's usually and accident), no matter who they are. I love being able to be nice to complete and total pricks. I love being able to look back at all the people who treat my shitty and think, "Wow -- I am so much better than them."

At the end of this post, I want to be able to say it outright: I love myself. But I can't. That's not meant to be a depressing comment. It's just true. I do think, however, that I am one hell of an amazing person.

Mystery Person

Anyone's who has met me knows that, in person, I'm usually happy, bubbly, etc. But as of late, I haven't felt connected to anyone. Social interaction has been painful. This really kills me, because I absolutely love my friends. I don't know how to react to anyone's presence.

I don't know how to act anymore. I just....bleh. Oh well. I'll just keep trucking (haha, I love saying that). Life is a bitch. Seriously. If life were a person, she'd be a bi-polar, slutty, drug-using, angsty, tease. I'd probably hate Life is she was ever a person.

She picks on me. And she'd probably punch me in the face if she had hands. Maybe it's not life. Maybe it's me. I don't appreciate the person I've become.

I don't know what to say. This is a scattered post. I apologize. I want a hug.

Trip

Dreams are and something walruses
Gleams and flickers of consciousness
Moons a-rising to tickle birdies goodbye
Watch me wander and point to the sky.

People are lowing
No, animals are slowing
Water is glowing
Still, candles are flowing
Now, lead us to reality.

Eden kisses internal shows
Flight is showing what really glows
Fleeing under crowded tunnels
Eat your greens with broken shovels.

That's it.


This poem came to me during English. I was sitting there listening to Jarmer read Huckleberry Finn, when I hear music coming from the neighboring room. There are lyrics to the song, and what I hear is, "Dreams are and something walruses." Now, I'm almost certain those were not the words, but they inspired this poem. Don't ask me what it's about, or what the point of it is, because I have no clue. I like it, though.

Chilling with my boy.

I really really like spending time with Ian. A LOT. We just...feed off of each other. I mean, I just grow more and more happy when he's around. He's like the opposite of a dementor!! I really love it. I guess you could call it chemistry.

Whether we're with my friends, his friends (yes, even his friends, ha. What? They're funny!!), or alone with each other, I can't help but be happy. And it's my mission to keep him happy while I'm around. Not that I expect him to automatically be happy with me, but if he's in a bad mood then all I want or care about is for him to be happy.

I just can't get enough of him. Of course, I don't wanna have Tim and Elaine kind of time with him. They're just insane (though I love them both dearly! <3)!! I just want to HANG OUT with him more often. Not just at school. Like, on weekends and stuff. I wanna spend time with my boyfriend! It's fun! I don't care where we are, what time it is or who we're with! It's fine! I mean, I suppose spending time with Voldemort in Mordor at 1 am wouldn't be pleasant. But... love being with him.

So, Ian, if you're reading this, call me up and we should hang out! Really! And in case you forgot my number:

Home - 509-786-8715
Cell - 971-344-6813

I love you! Call me!!!!!!!! <3