Sex

I've really wanted it lately. Bad. This has never happened before. I've usually been a really chaste person. I wouldn't even talk about sex. But the other day...wow.

So...the other day I had a real bad incident. I'm so dissapointed in myself. No, I didn't have sex. Well...I had cybersex. If Ian had never read smut before, he sure did in his texts. Wow, I'm not going to post it, because it'd be quite explicit. A few hours before we were dirty texting (rather, I was dirty texting), I kept "accidentally" dropping the cell phone in my lap, simply because it felt good. He told me I need to learn to masturbate. Ha. So much for Catholicism. I will not masturbate, no siree.

And I thought that it was just a one-day thing. I thought I was just lustful that one night, it'd go away. No big deal. But no! The next day, all I could think about was how much I wanted him. I wanted to share my love in ALL ways possible...and I just feel so guilty. And...today. I almost asked him for sex, because I knew he'd say yes. I now realize why lust is a deadly sin. It's really ruined my innocence.

I really need more self-control. =(