Following previous post....

I'm just going to make new friends during college (you know, with my dorm mates... woo multi-cultural hall!) and forget (kinda) about my current "friends." Wooooo...

Wait, except for Jack, Ian, and a few others.

:(

I feel out of sync with my 'group of friends.' I feel like I'm there as a back-up friend. Oh well...

I'll make new friends in college, I guess... =/
















































*cries*

I wish my life were more like this. I want more friends.

DREAM:
-So, the drama department and random people from my psychology class to a field trip to Mr. Flemming's (my psych teacher) house. He had two daughters and they were super cute and had curly hair. People kept saying inappropriate things, though, and my psych teacher was like, 'Stop!!!!' There was a really long table in his house (the walls were blue) and on it were TOOONS of desserts. There was chocolates, eclairs, doughnuts, creams, fondue, tons and tons of stuff. But it all had gluten, but I kept eating it anyway.

At one point, my psych teacher had to go to deal with his daughters, and some other random teacher from school was there instead. I don't even know his name. This guy went into some deep philosophical questions about life and death, purpose of life, stealing and stuff. Me and a few other people were trying to discuss, but I think Cory Earls and Tim Bender kept running around, make lots of noise and being silly. lol

After a while, we boarded the bus and went to Sally's beauty supply to look at colorful gels. Then we were at the mall on some kind of assignment. I finished, so I called Ian and waited for him for like half an hour. I finally went out and saw him with Jack. So I ran over and was like, 'Dude! Where were you!!!!' He said he'd been there for 10 minutes only. I didn't really care, and his hair was frizzy.

We all took a bus back to this very large auditorium. Don was there. >_< I was in a two-person play, and instead of Quinn, MS. STONE WAS OUR DIRECTOR. SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. I THINK SHE YELLED AT US AND LEFT. AAAAAH NOOOOOOO. So I was stuck with my shitty partner, I think it was Laura...
We preformed it and it sucked. Lots of alumni were there. Duncan came up to me and said, "Hey, if Laura was you, that would have been great." He kept having to repeat himself, and then I think he ran away after that.

So now we were all in a big circle on stage. Five girls, including me, had wedding dresses on. I think Hannah G, and Rachel G. were two others that had them. I can't remember the others. The objective was that a girl would walk out, and 1 of 5 assigned guys would run out and grab her. So all the girls did it, and I think Barret Zetterberg married someone, some other guy, Duncan married someone (I think it was Shereen, lol) and then me and another girl were left.

So I was left with Rachel Geiter. I walked out and waited, and I don't think anyone wanted me. I was VERRRRRY scared because I did not want Don to get me. I think I was almost crying. Finally, D-Fuen (haha) came out and tackled me and we slid behind the curtain. He said, "I was scared people would judge me if I grabbed you. You're so beautiful I think we all wanted you..." I'm almost certain Ian said something like that yesterday night. :lol:

Unfortunately, that meant Rachel was left with Don. When he came out to get her, we all treated him like a monster. We all tackled him and dragged him away while beating him up and I think the boys would kill him. Anyway, it made me reaaally happy.-

But that would actually be sad, even if I do hate him.

I know, this was really long. Sorry. It was really cool...

Obama.

He won. Life is good.

America has taken another great step, and I have renewed hope.

Yay!

Peace.

Bollywood

I think I'm in love. I think it's funny how people expect me to have watched every Bollywood movie ever, but the truth is, I've only seen about 10...

Either way, Bollywood is pretty much the most amazing movie industry EVER. I mean, just look at the following links to find the amazingness of Bollywood - just on the surface AT LEAST LOOK AT THE PICS!:

Videos:
Bole Chudiyan - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqydJ3L1k4Y
Mitwa (YAY!) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbbB1ANG-zQ
Say Shava Shava - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiB_twmh_Ek

Pictures:
Aishwarya Rai OR Aishwarya Rai
Shahrukh Khan
Bipasha Basu
Hrithik Roshan

Ok...that's all for now.

Hypersexuality

I'm getting sick and tired of the media. I don't think I would have such a problem with it, if both genders were equally objectified. God. Call me a feminist, whatever. I don't like hypersexuality. I don't like wet-t-shirt contests, especially on a stage. I don't like seeing a person as a shiny toy, seeing them as a tool. I hate that. I hate it. I'm not talking about porn. I'm talking about Wild and Crazy Spring Break, or Girls Gone Wild, sexy car washes, what have you. I don't like it!

Why! Why why why. Yes, sure, it's entertaining. Perhaps you get your panties wet, or you're suddenly hard. For maybe a brief moment, and then it's gone. But do you really see what you are looking at? You're seeing a PERSON. That's all I can think about... that's a girl up there, just like me, and all she is is a toy...
Sex is like marajuana or alcohol. Good in small amounts, but overdo it, and it just seems like too much. I am not criticizing you if you're into that, because people should be able to do what makes them happy... I just don't like it. Icky.

I find this post ironic...

Considering my last post.

I do not feel good. I feel sick. I feel sad. I don't wanna do anything. I have no motivation. Nothing seems worth living for. I want to isolate myself. I want to be mean and hurt myself. I don't like me, I don't like you. I don't like anything. I feel worthless. I don't feel good enough for you. I am not important to anyone, and if I am then they're lousy at showing it. Everything that could possibly make me happy will make me sad, because nothing lasts. I'm less important then everyone. I'm at the bottom. You don't care about me. No one is there. I'm by myself. If I don't stop this right now I'll stop being there. I don't know what that last statement meant, but it's true. I need a rope to stop myself from screwing up. I wish I had died at age 15. It's gone. Smoke is here.

Happy!

I'm happy with Ian right now. Yay. He's talking about how kids are tried as adults, but aren't given adult privileges. Wa wa. He's cute. Yay! And now he said, "A cookie!...hmm, I don't like being dictated! Haha I said dick! Hey Christine, I don't like being dictated do you like being vaginatated??" Hehehe.

I love you! LOOK AT THE SCREEN!!!!! There.

Porn

I hate porn. I can't look at it anymore. It makes me totally sick.
Firstly, I can't get off to it anymore. Okay, naked people having sex, big whoop. It's kind of stupid and boring and I honestly don't understand how I ever found it hot. Secondly, why would I look at it, if my imagination can run wild with Ian? Looking at porn is essentially like saying that my mind's endless options are not enough. Thirdly, it objectifies people. It turns real human beings and turns them into tools to help along an orgasm. If I don't objectify them (which I always do), then I'm recognizing that they're a real person, which is pretty much cheating in my book.

It's the same with fantasizing with people other than Ian. Why on earth would I fantasize about *insert mega hot person* if I have Ian? It just doesn't make sense anymore. I don't think it ever did. I was just stupider. Actually, no. I have never fantasized about other people, and that is NOT a lie.
Don't get me wrong. I don't think porn is bad. I don't think masturbation is bad. I just don't like looking at it while I'm in a relationship. It feels like I'm saying, "Yeah, Ian. You're totally sexy. But...thinking of you is not enough, so I'm going to go look at Candi* online..." I'm not sure if I make sense. Whatever.


*Random porn name

The year is closing...

Holy shit. It's like the end of the roller coaster you decided to go on, even though it looked way too scary, but you did it anyway...? But after you're done, it feels like you've conquered something?

Yeah.

That's how I feel. Fuck you, junior year. I beat you. Hmf!!!


Summer, here I come. =)


/relief

Satan's Dulia

You.
Feel the ocean on my lips,
Disturb the trouble in my grips.
Under the big wet sky...

We.
Never felt the world move on,
Kissed away the incubus.
In the corner of my eye...

There.
See the hole we never dug,
The dust we bothered not to rub.
Until the water was dry..

Fucking Retarded....

So today, during stagecraft, Jesse and Kylee were making fun of Lisette and I for trying to put away a 12 foot ladder on our own. No big deal, I'm used being treated like I'm incompetent in that class. Hearing, "Ooh, they look so stupid! Ha you guys are retards! It's like watching monkeys!" wasn't too bad.

Only when Jesse said, "Especially Christine! Looks so much like a monkey with that dark skin and curly hair! Ha, calling her a monkey is pretty accurate!"

I don't mind if you make fun of things I do that I can help (intelligence, clothes, etc)...but my color?! That's low. I CAN'T HELP MY SKIN COLOR SHUT THE FUCK UP. Bitch.

May 10th.

I WAS BORN TODAY SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO! Happy Birthday to me! ^_^

Ha, I'm so self-absorbed. Ah well. Only once a year. <3

God damn it

Hormones suck. Especially when you know why they're there, but can't do anything to help it. Haha...anyways, the US AP exam is on friday, and I'm sure I'm going to flunk it. Fuck.

Man, I can't wait for my birthday/prom...on the same day, yo!

Passover, bitches!

Okay, this is less about Passover and more about how amazing Ian's family is...or how Saturday went...or something along those lines. Hm.

So, I arrived, and froze up, because EVERYONE was staring at me! AAH! Anyway, I kept my cool, and was introduced to good ol' grand pappy and grand mommy (dad's side). They are pretty much the cutest old people EVER ALMOST. They're really nice, and put forward things worth hearing...if that makes much sense. I dunno. I like them.

AND OH MY GOD IAN'S DAD IS SO CUTE! EEEEE!!!!! He's just this bumbling, mellow, super chill dude who's easy to get along with. And when he reads stuff, he reminds me of those people on OBP or whatever that teach you math or proper English or whatever.

Ian's mom is awesome. Ian was right. They DID skip over the important part to get to the food. WHICH WAS AMAZING. Oh my GOD, that apple stuff was so yummy! And that beef stuff and those potatoes! Ian's other grandma is an amazing cook! Yay!

I don't know why I'm writing this. I just feel like life is chilling out, for once. Problems are just seeming to disappear. I don't want to rely on this notion, but I'm not going to pass up enjoying life. I guess the evening just reminded me how happy I've become recently.

School is going to be DONE is two months (OMG YAY OMG YAY OH MY GOD YAY!), Ian and I are doing really well, Julia was cool, and...I don't know. Everything just seems great. I'm enjoying it while it's here. Granted I won't get enough sleep sooner or later, and when stress comes my way I'm going to fall into a pit of "AAAAH!" but of course I'll get out of that. As usual.

Sorry. This is super scattered and random. I love you, everyone! ^_^

Off Limits

There is a moment at night,
when my curiosities
Take me to forbidden land.

There is a blink of daytime,
When all I want
Is all I can't have.

There is a room of answers,
In which all I wonder,
Is behind a locked door.

For some reason, I like this poem. Odd. I usually despise my poetry.

DANG IT.

Ian's pissed at me. I should have known that things are different in theory than in practice. He said he wouldn't care...but I guess he did. And now I don't feel very good. =(

Spin the Bottle

I think this game is just an excuse to kiss hotties (for the most part). It's fun. Woooo! That is all. <3

Not to be all Catholic or anything....

Okay, let me make clear that this is NOT an attempt to convert anyone or anything along those lines. I'm just pointing out how POETIC certain prayers are! Especially ones devoted to Mother Mary! SERIOUSLY. It's so....graceful, and delicate, and elegant, and just plain gorgeous! Okay...here's like, my favorite prayer of all freaking time:

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy!
Our life, our sweetness, and our hope!
To thee do we cry, poor banished
children of Eve, to thee do we send
up our sighs, mourning and weeping
in this valley, of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious advocate,
thine eyes of mercy toward us; and
after this our exile show unto us the
blessed fruit of thy womb Jesus;
O clement, O loving, O sweet virgin Mary.

Pray for us, O holy Mother of God

That we may be made worthy of the
promises of Christ.

SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HECK. Why is it so pretty?! SO yeah...lol....I like being Catholic a whole helluva lot sometimes.

Yummm

Chocolate chip cookies are my faaaaaaaaaaave.