Damn it...

I've lost the motivation to live. It's not that I want to die, or anything like that; it's just, I feel like nothing is pushing me to strive. Nothing makes me feel passionate. And it really sucks.

For the majority of my life, I've always had a few things, maybe even one, or people, who made me feel like no matter what happened, at least I had them. Don't get me wrong, I still do love my friends and family and Ian, of course; but their presence has ceased to make me feel better. It has stopped making me feel as if no matter what goes wrong, I'll have them (or it...depending on what we're talking about...). God damn it, even HARRY FUCKING POTTER DOESN'T MAKE ME JUMP UP AND DOWN AND SCREAM WITH JOY!

I no longer strive for the best grade in the class, or at least one of the best grades. No longer do I care what my work looks like. Half-assed gets me by, why work harder? Who gives a fuck about college? It's just the same shit all over again, but harder. Who cares about life? All it is is a vicious monster that wants to suck out the happiness that is trying to embrace me spirit. I don't care about my hair, my clothes, my body. Nothing matters. I WANT to die, because living a passionless life is horrible. Living with nothing to live for is just about the worst thing I've ever come across. And I've given it a chance. Trust me, I have. Nothing seems to work anymore...I don't know if this makes sense.

My loss of determination...loss of passion...it has made life futile.

P.S. I am also in dire need of a good fucking.