Monday, August 29, 2005
Confused
Love. It's one of the most beautiful things on earth. It shares the spot of most important emotion, along with it's brother, hate. And I think it has taken over me. I know i know. Strong words, eh? I know what I am saying. This is not just a silly, girlish crush. I care about this person. His feelings, his opinions, almost anything that concerns him. Sometimes I can't fall asleep because I'm so concerned about the troubles in his life, or I'm just thinking about him. And he is so totally worth it (worth that much thought). He's smart, funny, thoughtful, and good-looking. Ok, he's not the hottest guy on earth, but seriously, I don't care. H e could be the fattest, ugliest guy on earth and I wouldn't care. And the good thing is, I'm friends with him. I'm not going to say how close, lest I give away anything. Right now I am at a loss for words. I even looked up the word "love" (courtesy of dictionary.com) to see if that was what I was feeling. I'm kind of scared. One of the most kind feelings on earth can do so much hurt. He's not single, and I don't know whether I should feel bad for you-know-whating him. I can't go one. Mr. Mystery Man, please forgive my love.
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1 comment:
Love... ah man, it is an amazing feeling, isn't it?
Normally, I dismiss people who think they're in love like this, but you articulated it so well, it's hard to doubt that you are.
I can definitely see why you'd be confused, especially if this guy's already with someone. It's got to be at least a bit hard to watch them, knowing that they have something that's just out of reach, seeing yourself in her place. Yet I don't read any sort of hostility, no hard feelings, so you've somehow managed to feel longing for something you don't have without it turning into jealousy. Or you're just not saying it. Whatever.
I don't know what advice to offer you. If he's with somebody, like you say, then it's probably a good idea to acknowledge and respect that-- at least don't ask him to do anything drastic, like drop what he has for you. He may be very happy in the relationship he's in, and it'd be a bit insensitive to believe he'd drop happiness he knows for a mystery he doesn't. On the other hand, you don't have to keep it unknown to him. It may be a better idea to tell him, at the very least so that he's aware. It may prevent him from accidentally doing anything that may hurt you in the future.
Finally, Steen, treasure what you have. It's pretty rare to see somebody this much actually in love, so I advise you hold on to the feeling as much as you can. Write about it in a journal, do whatever you can to retain the sensation. Make it a good memory, too-- there's no reason whatsoever to feel bad or ashamed for feeling something. Treasure that you've got a friendship with him, 'cause if you think he's as great as you're writing, he may be a good person to simply be friends with. Don't get caught up in a desire to go out with him and then jeopardize your friendship. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, if you're to trust the tired old proverb.
Judging by all the great things you've said about him, I'm certain that he'd forgive you for your love-- though if you ask me, something like that doesn't need forgiveness.
Hope things work out for you, Christine.
Cheers,
-Spencer
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